Tuesday, October 7, 2008

this are serious post

I had my follow up doctor's appointment yesterday with my bow tie wearing gastroenterologist. It went as well as can be expected, considering. He said about half of my intestines are inflamed and affected by Crohn's colitis. The medicine I've been taking since the end of August seems to be helping. Hopefully it will continue to help and I won't have to go back to see Dr Hardi until my 3 month follow up!

I've been diagnosed with Crohn's for almost a year. I have been in denial for most of the time, and refused treatment. I didn't think I needed medicine; especially after my first prescription I had an allergic reaction and had hives all along my lower back - that was Christmas day - what a present that was. I thought that I could regulate with diet and exercise, believing it to be a passing ailment and that I would soon be back to normal. Well, changing my diet did help, but it seems my body decided to tell me I needed more. With school and work and life - the stress and hectic schedule I like to maintain didn't seem to help. I started to fall back into a flare in July. I didn't want to believe that I wasn't well and tried to ignore it. I kept busy, but slowly intense pain and really bad symptoms (I'll spare the gross details) were hurting me mutiple times an hour. With my and Anthony's trip to Iceland coming up, I decided it was time to suck it up and fill the prescription my doctor gave me back in January. I hate taking medicine, and I was afraid of the side effects. I'm part of a forum for Crohnies and many have not had good experiences using my new medicine. At that point I was desperate, and didn't want to go to the hospital. It took a few weeks before I noticed a significant change, but I am grateful that it has been helping.

I think that I'm finally starting to accept that I have Crohn's. It scares me that I'll never be 100% healthy, that I'll always have to take medicine. It sucks that I can't be as carefree as I want to be. That I have to pass on staying out late or participating in social events, that I can't eat certain foods I love and I have to be diligent. I do realize that I am incredibly lucky compared to many others who have Crohn's and I pray that I can stay in remission and that no matter what I can handle and manage anything. It helps that I have friends and family who have been so supportive and loving. And my amazing boyfriend for trying to understand and help me and being patient with me and my many ups and downs. I couldn't ask for anything better from the people I love.

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